Remember that it’s okay not to be okay
[TW] Trigger Warning. This is where survivors of rape/abuse/assault may come and share their stories. I myself am a survivor of rape, abuse, and assault. I currently suffer from PTSD. The Ask Box is ALWAYS open; anon or not. Please share what's on your mind. I am here to help.
That makes sense. It is possible that you were raped/penetrated but you blocked out the memory. It is common to do that, especially as a child. The masturbation might be helping you and your body remember things that may have happened in the past. It helps you relive it and to help explore your feelings about it.
I am really sorry for what’s going on in your life! Being called a rapist when it’s false must be really awful, to say the least. And I can see how triggering it must be! Do you think he’s going to press charges? I really think that you should get an adult involved. Do you parents or legal guardian know? Are you able to talk to them about what’s been going on? A therapist would also be helpful, along with a diary, so that you can sort out your thoughts. If classmates are bullying you about this you should also get the school involved, which I know would be very difficult to do. But you need to take care of yourself in this situation.
I think a better definition of ‘flashback’ needs to be made.
It doesn’t have to be a visual memory. It can be auditory - the sound of a door slamming as an example - or even just a body memory. Like, your body just feels something that’s psychosomatic.
It doesn’t even have to hit you immediately. I want to communicate this because for the longest time, I didn’t think I was being triggered, even though I would feel like crap because I wouldn’t have a panic attack.
Basically, flashbacks are anything that brings you and/or your body back to the time of trauma. It doesn’t have to be conscious, and you don’t have to realize, “Oh, this is happening because of the trauma.” Just like serious nightmares don’t have to be the kind that wake you up crying in the middle of the night.
Anonymous on survivorrat.tumblr (via queerbeen)
Thank you, whoever wrote this. I’ve struggled sometimes because most of the descriptions of PTSD symptoms I’ve read talk solely about visual flashbacks. Not that I’ve had cause to doubt the PTSD itself, since I have almost every single symptom on most lists. But I’ve had a hard time recognizing my flashbacks as such because they’re almost always body memory, sometimes auditory, almost never visual. They’re scary, and it really helps to understand what’s going on when I feel like past trauma is happening again.
COSIGNED. this is so fucking helpful. i don’t get like… violently triggered usually, so i can never really tell if i’m being “legitimately” triggered, which is fucked up because my feelings and experiences are mine and not anyone else’s so this is just super nice and validating to read <3
(via about1000kisses-shy) SO helpful. I started having auditory flashbacks because of my meds, but my therapist deemed me as hallucinating and got me hospitalized. Ugh no one understands unless they personally suffer from it, (via little-by-little-ok)
Abuse is a horrible thing to have to go through. Everybody heals differently and there is no such thing as a “normal” time length of recovery. For some, healing can be a short amount of time, for others it can take many years to recover. Either way, it is always possible for victims and survivors to eventually feel somewhat normal again. Help is always available. If you are able to talk to your family, you could ask to speak with a therapist about what’s been going on. Otherwise, you could go to your school therapist, since that’s free. But, if you do that, they may wind up calling your parents or legal guardians about what you told them. There are books about child abuse and many organizations out there that provide help, sometimes even counseling. I hope that you are able to figure something out that can help.
I am currently watching CNN and they just discussed sexual assault in the military.
Gen. Martin Dempsey said “we might be a little bit too forgiving.”
And Obama was shown saying that it’s a disgrace.
Thank you for apologizing. We all appreciate it. Sometimes certain things may hit us a certain way and it takes a while to think about it differently.